Schmootiful Treatments in the spa – Tea not so schmootiful

Waterhouse Restaurant, 

HILTON BRIGHTON METROPOLE

KINGS ROAD, BRIGHTON, BN1 2FU

This was our Afternoon Tea week treat -  a trip to Brighton with treatments in Scmoo by the sea followed by an Afternoon Tea in the Waterside Restaurant. Both of us have had great Afternoon Teas in Hilton hotels before so were really confident before we went that it would be great – and having looked at the menu were really looking forward to it . This was a deal for £99 for two so was a bargain, and we were aware that our treatments were mini ones but perfect as a precursor to Tea and walk in the bracing Brighton air along the pier.

First of all our Treatments in Schmoo by the sea (also in the Hilton) were great – a mini facial and paint and file of toes for me and a massage and fingers filed and painted for my friend. Lovely little spa, charming therapists, gorgeous sofas and chairs and really exquisite treatments with their own organic products which smell and feel divine. Definitely will be going back there for longer and can thoroughly recommend their treatments. We had entered the spa with some trepidation as there is quite a lot of renovations going on in the basement but once inside it was lovely. I believe we could have used the pool in the Living Well area of the hotel too but no time for that yesterday.

So we floated upstairs for our tea to the Waterhouse Restaurant – and after a good few minutes of being ignored (not very busy and quite a few staff milling about) were greeted, our no pork dietary requirement noted and were shown to our table which wasn’t very big but did have nice comfy chairs. We were given an Afternoon Tea menu and told to “choose” by the rather abrupt if efficient waitress. We weren’t entirely sure about what we were supposed to be choosing but looked at the two choices of afternoon tea menu and only THREE teas on offer – english breakfast, assam and another I can’t remember and chose one of each tea menu and a tea each. We also requested not to have pork in either tea then it’s easier to share.

Jam Stand and Sugar bowl

Chrome teapots containing TEABAGS 

My heart was already sinking at the cups on the table which are the sort you drink out of in hotel rooms, and the jam in jars (although the stand for them was quite cute) and the pot of sugar and sweetener packs on the table, paper napkins, it kind of felt like a buffet breakfast was about to be introduced.

So our tea came and was plonked in front of us in metal tea pots rather unceremoniously (although actually was a very nice cuppa) and was made with teabags. Oh dear. 

After about 15 minutes our cupboard of food arrived.

http://www3.hilton.com/en/hotels/united-kingdom/hilton-brighton-metropole-BSHMETW/dining/index.html 

Above is the picture on the hotel website of the tea by the sea – this is what we got .

We had ordered one traditional and one Tea by the Sea - when it was put down were told – “there’s no pork on that side” and there seemed to be bits missing – where was the lamb burger? the Sussex quiche ? Hummus and grilled peppers finger sandwich ?

My friend went to get a menu to check and sure enough we hadn't dreamt these items-  so we queried it and were told that as we were on a spa offer we didn't get the full tea and in fact we’d been “given more than people normally got” on the spa deal.  I should point that at NO point had that been explained to us – even when we ordered our food. I get that it’s an offer but I go on lots of offers and you either get the food as advertised in the hope you will spread the word, a specific menu for that offer or at least should be told ! Why would you hand us that menu, ask us to choose and then not give us what we chose? 

So accepting it was what we were getting, we settled to eat as hadn't had lunch. Sandwiches were fine, obviously freshly made.

We did have a bit of an issue with the scones – for a start there was only one each (see above picture of advertised tea) and it did say scones plural on the menu. 

I can’t be sure of the two next things but as an experienced eater of scones (and a waistline to prove it) I think they were out of a packet as were a bit too uniform to be homemade, and although warm, they were soggy. So either they were microwaved or had sat for a while. Either way they tasted fine but weren't the crispy outside fluffy inside they should be. Very generous pots of jam and cream – sadly not enough scone to put it on !

Cakes were very mixed – a very alarming bright blue cheesecake that tasted soapy, an apple? cake that was already in pieces on the tray , mini doughnuts (delicious), macaroons (not home-made) and other bits. We hadn't had the food explained to us - which is a really important part of the tea experience - so didn't really know what we were eating.

By this time I was needing another cuppa, so found another menu on a table where they had other interesting teas like Twinings Russian Caravan – I asked for it (the waiter had never heard of it – Waiters MUST know their teas at an afternoon tea surely !) but gamely offered to go and find one . 

Didn't manage to but did bring me a pot (much nicer than the first pot) of hot water and a tea bag – although was this Golden Darjeeling (quite pleasant but rather weak so shouldn't be drunk with milk) and nothing Russian about it at all. The tea pot of hot water was missing its knob on the lid if you look closely- my friend did go and tell the waiter who couldn't see the problem and demoed how you could prise the lid open with your fingers! 

They also brought us some fresh cups - which bizarrely had a packet of biscuits tucked into each cup ! I must admit by this time we were nearly hysterical with laughter. The waiters were very sweet and willing but we could see were totally untrained about afternoon tea and how to serve it.

We were left feeling very glad that we hadn't paid £17.50 for the tea – in fact with the treatment deal we had it was almost free, but not what we would expect from a Hilton hotel and isn't really the point.  There was a couple of ladies having the full price tea on a table next to us and sure enough they did seem to have more choice of cake but the service and presentation was still the same.

On the www.afternoontea.co.uk website there is also a picture of the Twining’s tea selection (on the shelf under the picture ) and the special teapots

and timers like they have at Green Park (Click here to read about it) there was no evidence of those in use.  I have honestly had better food and service in a garden centre (see here)

When we left it was raining so we dived into the Grand Hotel next door for a drink. We lucked out with happy hour cocktails being served but also ended up with Extreme Tea Envy. For £23.50 ( £6 more) one could get a proper tea, served in proper teapots, on a handsome teastand, with white napkins, your choice of tea and food explained to you in a beautiful conservatory. 

The food was acceptable (except the blue cake)  but there is no sense of occasion which is a shame as your setting is great - comfy chairs, a lovely seaview, really nice dining room with pretty floor and walls, it just didn't work as a venue for tea as it was served up like a buffet breakfast. We have, between us, been for tea at Hilton Deansgate Manchester, Hilton on Park Lane and Hilton Green Park and were thoroughly impressed by them, so feel you are letting the brand down. 

As it's afternoon tea week I had high hopes for the one tea we had time to take this week and it wasn't great.

Please Waterhouse Restaurant – send your waiters next door with £5 note each (happy hour starts at 5pm) they can sit in the conservatory with a drink and see how it should be done.